Dear Readers,

yep – it has been a while again hasn’t it!

Wow so the Spring of 2021 has turned out to be a bit of a turbulant one.

Quick recap of what happened:

• Went on the pill
• Had a slight case of burn out/depression
• Broke up with my boyfriend
• Came off the pill
• Had a couple of months of feeling awesome
• Got completely vaccinated
• Went to Barcelona
• Started Stand-Up Comedy

I am 32 and I am really starting to feel that I am just now starting to discover/embrace who I am.

It’s still not an easy time for me – my head is still filled with quite a few demons and some days I do wake up and it is a struggle to feel positive and confident but I think I am getting there.

I have also met some new people and I am slowly coming out of my social shell. It’s exhausting but it’s happening.

Starting something new

Recently I decided that I wanted to try stand-up comedy.

Why?

Because I want to overcome my fear of people not liking me and improve my public speaking skills.

I am a people pleaser, it’s in my nature, and I really try to ensure that I don’t do anything or say anything wrong which will make people not like me. I need to learn that I am not everybodies darling.

I also need to develop a thick skin. I have some ambitious plans in my life and in order to achieve these fully, I am definitely going to have to learn to accept critisicm or negative feedback.

So I’ve started comedy.

I did my first open-mic about 3 weeks ago. I was so nervous. I got on stage and I couldn’t see the audience. My voice, and other parts of my body, were shaking.

But I heard one magical sound – a laugh. Someone actually laughed at something I had said on stage.
The show went quite well.

So the next week I did it again. After the show a seasoned comedian came up to me and told me I had done really well for my 2nd time. This gave me confidence!

Last night I did it in a new venue. It didn’t go very well. One could blame the crowd for not having any energy or that the set up of the room was not optimal – however my material wasn’t exactly…very good.

I took a tip from a comedian who had told me to record the set and listen to it afterwards.

Pressing play on that recording was one of the most difficult things I have had to do in a while. Facing my own personal shame and embaressment.

When I listened to the recording – it wasn’t actually that bad. Some of my jokes got a few good laughs and I was able to identify which jokes I need to work on or just cut out.

So bombing on stage was pretty useful.

It also made me realise – “hey – you’ve actually done something pretty amazing. You got on stage, you faced a crowd and read out some original material which you had actually written…and someone laughed at you”

So I am proud of myself and I can feel that one layer of social anxiety has been stripped away.

I am not going to quit but rather I am going to use this opportunity to get better.

As always,

Thanks for reading 🙂

Laura xoxoxoxoxo