yep – it has been a while again hasn’t it!
Wow so the Spring of 2021 has turned out to be a bit of a turbulant one.
Quick recap of what happened:
- Went on the pill
- Had a slight case of burn out/depression
- Broke up with my boyfriend
- Came off the pill
- Had a couple of months of feeling awesome
- Got completely vaccinated
- Went to Barcelona
- Started Stand-Up Comedy
I am 32 and I am really starting to feel that I am just now starting to discover/embrace who I am.
It’s still not an easy time for me – my head is still filled with quite a few demons and some days I do wake up and it is a struggle to feel positive and confident but I think I am getting there.
I have also met some new people and I am slowly coming out of my social shell. It’s exhausting but it’s happening.
Starting something new
Recently I decided that I wanted to try stand-up comedy.
Because I want to overcome my fear of people not liking me and improve my public speaking skills.
I am a people pleaser, it’s in my nature, and I really try to ensure that I don’t do anything or say anything wrong which will make people not like me. I need to learn that I am not everybodies darling.
I also need to develop a thick skin. I have some ambitious plans in my life and in order to achieve these fully, I am definitely going to have to learn to accept critisicm or negative feedback.
So I’ve started comedy.
I did my first open-mic about 3 weeks ago. I was so nervous. I got on stage and I couldn’t see the audience. My voice, and other parts of my body, were shaking.
But I heard one magical sound – a laugh. Someone actually laughed at something I had said on stage.
The show went quite well.
So the next week I did it again. After the show a seasoned comedian came up to me and told me I had done really well for my 2nd time. This gave me confidence!
Last night I did it in a new venue. It didn’t go very well. One could blame the crowd for not having any energy or that the set up of the room was not optimal – however my material wasn’t exactly…very good.
I took a tip from a comedian who had told me to record the set and listen to it afterwards.
Pressing play on that recording was one of the most difficult things I have had to do in a while. Facing my own personal shame and embaressment.
When I listened to the recording – it wasn’t actually that bad. Some of my jokes got a few good laughs and I was able to identify which jokes I need to work on or just cut out.
So bombing on stage was pretty useful.
It also made me realise – “hey – you’ve actually done something pretty amazing. You got on stage, you faced a crowd and read out some original material which you had actually written…and someone laughed at you”
So I am proud of myself and I can feel that one layer of social anxiety has been stripped away.
I am not going to quit but rather I am going to use this opportunity to get better.
Thanks for reading 🙂