Dear Readers,

As some of you may know – 365 days ago, I made the decision to no longer drink alcohol. This wasn’t an easy choice and I knew I’d be giving up something that really did give me pleasure and allowed me to relax through some stressful times, but I realised I needed to listen to my body and gain back control.

Unfortunately, I can’t say that I haven’t had a single drop of alcohol during these 365 days. I did have one drink – but I will explain the circumstances later.

Why I decided to quit

Last year I was invited to a party. I was nervous (as I normally am when I go to parties) and decided to have a drink as soon as I arrived.

The party was in summer and it was a beautiful warm summer’s day. Unfortunately, the party was also outside (due to the aforementioned beautiful day) and I was then surrounded by wasps.

Readers of this blog will be fully aware of my stance against wasps. I have a phobia and get into a huge state of anxiety as soon as I see one. In extreme cases, I will start to scratch myself.

So we had me, nervous about the party as I didn’t know anyone and surrounded by wasps…

I drank. A lot.

I drank and when I drink I become extremely flirty (and annoying).

There were two guys at the party with whom I was flirting quite extensively. I went downstairs with one and let him touch me. I wasn’t single.

After the party I went to perform a comedy set outside. There were more wasps and more alcohol. I drank.

I can’t remember the comedy set at all – but I think it went ok.

There was someone else who was supposed to be at the comedy show, but they didn’t show up. I texted them and suggested we meet.

We met up and talked and had (what I think was) a deep conversation. I mentioned to them that I was in a relationship and they were a bit taken aback by the news. They didn’t know.

Nothing happened (really) but I felt a huge sense of guilt. I had betrayed my boyfriend and had also led on an innocent person.

What’s worse is that this was a continuation of a pattern of flirty behaviour.

So often I’ve gotten drunk and have tried to flirt with or even kiss my friends.

I told my boyfriend what had happened and also apologised to the other person. I then came to the decision that I wouldn’t let alcohol control me again – and that I would remain in control of my body and actions.

The next steps.

I love wine. I love cocktails. I love the first taste of alcohol after a very stressful day.

I love tasting the different flavours in a well-mixed drink.

At my flat I had a cupboard filled with expensive bottles of alcohol – which I had used often to make myself a cocktail. (My favourite cocktail is negroni).

I often used to drink alone and could also often finish a bottle of (very cheap) wine by myself.

I hated the feeling of waking up with a headache and a sick feeling in my stomach.

So I decided to take all the expensive bottles of alcohol and pour them down the sink.

This wasn’t easy. I had spent a lot of money on these drinks and now I was just pouring them away. It was a sense of loss.

I told my boyfriend and he was proud.

I was proud.

The one exception

So during this year I unfortunately had one drink – but please allow me to explain the context.

It was last month (so about 11 months in) and we were in Japan.

We went to a sushi restaurant and were served the most delicious sushi ever.

The chef offered us some sake and as my boyfriend had never had sake before, and since we were in Japan – he asked for some.

He didn’t realise that he would receive a 300 ml bottle which he couldn’t finish.

We were a group of 4 people and the other two also didn’t drink. One had a shot of sake and my boyfriend also had a shot of sake.

I didn’t want to offend the chef. He was being amazing and so…I offered to finish the sake. (It was delicious). However I could tell – the rush I got after tasting alcohol…it was still there.

How it will go on…

I’m going to aim for another year without alcohol.

I’ve started very much enjoying my alcohol replacements which include a lot of ginger beer and de-alcoholised wines.

I am also going to experiment with mocktails and treat them as I used to treat cocktails. Maybe I can perfect a “Nogroni”.

So “Cheers” to another 365 days.

Thanks for reading

Laura xoxoxoxo